It seems to be nothing these days for beings to shoot off unkind, insensitive barbs. Why not? The chairwoman is doing it; it’s gotta be fine. The hell with political correctness mannerisms.
Though some barbs between friends are endearments( like chaps perforating each other in the shoulder ), other barbs are peril. They are dominance signals created in order to tout superiority and to let you know what an brainles you are. If you find yourself in that situation, don’t give them the power to form you feel menaced or bad about yourself.
I know, but you do feel bad. You’re tongue-tied, scared and mutely stewing; thinking of all those comebacks you could have made after the encounter is over. Yeah, you could have gone down that retaliatory street. But that’s what they miss from you. To get you riled up; to get under your skin; to get a reaction from you that they they are able ridicule and deride. But if I don’t respond in kind, doesn’t that give the other person the influence? Aren’t they going away with something?
No! If you don’t react in kind it means they haven’t stole you. They threw out a derisive political rob, and it didn’t catch anything. It’s like fishing and not catching a fish. It’s like a tug-of-war that you’re tired of, so instead of continuing to play, you stop the rope and walk away. Your adversary continues to yank and comes flat on their face.
So, should I time keep walking? Yes, that’s one prospect. Now got a few more 😛 TAGEND
Make a simple, unexpected observe that culminates the “conversation.”
“Thanks for your opinion.” Or, “Yup, I can see who you’re voting for.” Then walk away.
Use humor or a little of derision to relieve the mood.
“You’re right, my person isn’t perfect — like your chap is? ”
State succinctly what’s upsetting you. The less “youre telling”, the more superpower you have.
“Speak with me respectfully or stop were talking to me. Which will it be? ”
Respond to the process( what’s happening ), not to the content( the words said ).
“I can see you’re all riled up today. What prepared you off? ”
Suggest alternative solutions lane to express oneself.
“I don’t mind if we disagree about this, but don’t call me an geek. No name-calling.”
Enlighten the other about your sensitivities.
“I hate when you speak down to me. It reminds me of my abusive father-god. So, please exert a less fostering tone.”
Agree with what’s true but disagree with the negative value judgment.
“You’re right. I’ve been taking too long to get it on. But it’s not that I don’t care; it’s that I want it to be as good as it can be.”
Yes, it would be great if people nixed their slanders, strangled their criticisms and did nothing but support and encourage you. Yes, it would be excellent if friends, lineage, co-workers and leaders made divergences aside and went out of their course to appreciate you — how you think, how you feel, who you’re springing for and what’s important to you.
But snarkiness in the media is the new norm. Verbal bashing is the new action game. People condemned and disgrace all the time — and that’s on their good day. When they really have an ax to grind, they supplement slanders, cuss, ridicule and mortification. And in this free-for-all era, we need to know how to fend off cheap shots, put-downs and slams in the face with smart power, feeling, respect and backbone — not by stooping to their level.
( c) 2020
Read more: psychcentral.com