I’ve been waiting for years to “see how things will turn out”.
Waiting for the time that I feel most peaceful, or happier, or when the time comes that I actually know all the way through me why I am now and what my life is about.
It’s been a long wait.
These daytimes I wait to see what will happen with the brand-new president in the US. Will peace happen now? Will our country find a way to live up to its models? I’ve been waiting to see how I might be a part of the process.
I’ve been waiting and watching as frustration, wrath, rage, and hate proliferate. I find myself waiting to see what those annoyed repugnant beings will do next.
Then I picked up the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, written thousands of years ago. I was stopped in my racetracks when I speak the following web sites 😛 TAGEND
Sutra 2.34 “Uncertain lore yielding rise to violence, whether done directly or indirectly or forgave, was mainly attributable to greed, exasperation or hallucination in slight, moderate or intense grade. It arises in endless agony and innocence. Through introspection comes the end of sorenes and ignorance.”
And then these questions rained into me: From my first sigh to this breath, can I say that I have not been avaricious? Can I say that I have not been angry, hateful, or wreaked suffering unto others? Can I say that I have not forgave the cruelty of others? Can I say that I have not lied, misled, or stolen?
No- I cannot claim any of that.
No more waiting, it’s time for me to participate.
What is the end of this aching and brutality within me? Patanjali gives a clear answer: “Through introspection comes the end of suffering and ignorance.”
Introspection. I determined myself to the task of going inward to become aware of my envisages, terms, and actions. I just wanted to uncover the roots of my irritation, rage, hatred, fury, violence, and hurting. I am not attacking myself, but neither am I forgiving myself. I am investigating “peoples lives”, from my first gulp to this one.
My wars and envisages as a child were often beyond my hold at the time. But now as an adult, I take responsibility for myself. I am on the line of study how to acknowledge and be responsible for my innocence, my judgments, and the pain that I has already caused others. I am giving a sun of curiosity and research onto my dark, onto that which I would rather not affirm. I am learning the meeknes of being human, of being imperfect, of having high-pitched ideals that I cannot and has not been able to always lived up to.
I am enter now, in the degree of my own being. I am not waiting for someone else to ameliorate the wraps that merely I can know. I am not hiding and just wait others to admit their defects so that I don’t have to.
Now I am asking myself all the time, “how do negative expectations, knowledge, and feelings actually transform into something positive ?” I am asking this because that is what I see in Nature. I appreciate bushes germinating out of dirt, out of animal compost, out of compost, out of the asphalt. I visualize precipitated trees feeding mushrooms, ants, and moss. I visualize the hertz of Nature, ever-flowing, this into that, that into this. Destruction into Life, Life into Destruction.
Through introspection, I am becoming less oblivious of the content of my autobiography and my stomach. Introspection necessary term alone, gentle , not listening to or speaking the notions of another. It is not watching the news to “see what is going to happen.”
Introspection, that sacred pilgrimage inward that can only be taken alone. Inward, to the place where I feel connected to everyone else. Since it seems that I am combined with others within the wordless magnitudes of myself, as I sew the divide within myself between ardour and dislike, serenity and violence, truth and lies, I hope that I am participating in the mending of others.
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