“I Just Can’t Trust Anyone I Date”: A Relationship Expert Explains How To Open Up
About the expert
Ken Page, LCSW, is a renowned psychotherapist, the host of The Deeper Dating Podcast, and the author of the bestselling book Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy. He has been featured in O, The Oprah Magazine, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Cosmopolitan, The Advocate and more.
Highlights
- Choosing a partner who makes you feel safe and seen is key to deeper connection.
- Finding a trustworthy partner starts with honoring your emotions.
- Trust issues often stem from past wounds, cultural influences, or personal insecurities.
- Protective behaviors can block intimacy.
Valentine’s Day is the perfect example of when it can feel really isolating to be single. For many, this season of love doesn’t spark excitement. Instead, it stirs up hesitation, anxiety, and perhaps a nagging thought: I just can’t trust anyone I date.
Whether it’s lingering heartbreak or a deep-seated fear of getting too close, trust issues can make dating feel more like navigating a minefield than a path to connection. According to Ken Page, LCSW, a psychotherapist and host of The Deeper Dating Podcast, struggling with trust isn’t something to be ashamed of—it’s part of being human. “We’ve all been hurt in our lives,” Page explains. “Starting with our early relationships, all of us reach out with our most authentic selves, often naively when we’re young, and we get deeply wounded. These attachment wounds are some of the most profound we can have.”
Rather than seeing trust issues as a weakness, Page encourages us to recognize them as a natural response to the risks of love. “People talk about fear of intimacy like it’s some kind of pathology,” he says. “Love is … powerful and important. And of course, there are going to be fears around having it betrayed or lost.”
To understand why trust is so difficult, Page introduces the concept of core gifts (the most authentic, sensitive parts of ourselves). “Your core gifts are where you can feel the most love but also the most profound hurt,” he says. When these gifts are embraced and respected, they lead to deep connection. But when they are dismissed or betrayed, emotional wounds can form, making trust harder to rebuild.
In response to these wounds, we develop protective strategies that Page calls the zone of protection and, at its extreme, the zone of disconnection. “When we get hurt, we start building up tools of protection. That’s where we become numb, push people away, or stop sharing our feelings. These tools limit our capacity for intimacy,” he explains. While the zone of protection shields us from immediate pain, it also keeps us from meaningful connection. If we retreat too far, we risk entering the zone of disconnection, where emotional isolation makes trusting others even more difficult.
But trust isn’t a lost cause. “The true intimacy journey is the journey back toward that center,” Page says, “as an adult with the skills to honor ourselves and navigate love with wisdom.”
Ahead, Page addresses a common conundrum often searched as “I just can’t trust anyone I date” by breaking down why trust is so hard to build, the hidden reasons you might struggle with it, and how to take real steps toward trusting again.
Why you’re finding it hard to trust someone you date
From past traumas to cultural and societal influences, relationship expert Page reveals eight reasons, both subtle and significant, that may be making it difficult for you to trust someone you are dating:
