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. Uhat is love?
Let’s learn to know our apprehensions to understand our chances of success
We can say that there are several answers to the question” What is love ?” as well as we can say that none exist.
What is Love?
Surely no answer can be so wide and enunciate as to interpret the opinion of all. Each of us has a personal way of enjoying. Therefore each of us returns a different meaning to the words” I love you “. Despite this, we all think we know what these messages genuinely mean and we are convinced that the mean we give them is the only one. We believe that that, at the end of the day, every person is love as we love.
But that’s not true.
A subjective know
This conviction inevitably leads us to make another mistake We is often used to affection our marriage in the way we would like to be loved, convinced that our “recipe” is universally valid. But the style we would like to be loved is not necessarily the style our marriage would like to be loved.
Many discords often was derived from this, as from the wrong conviction that those who love us must always be able to read our thoughts, our desires, even without us having to speak to them openly.
True love is a condition that is lived above all inwardly, without feeling the need to be flaunted. Who kindness knows to cherish and who is loved knows to be loved, without the requirements of further confirmation.
Those who truly cherish have as their priority the happy of the other. Love must give a sense of happiness( those who love are happy) but too of balance. Tormented affection is not true love, just as jealousy is not synonymous with love. Who charities does not aim the possession of the other but has confidence and makes that the other can also be free to realize himself.
How long does it take to fall in love?
According to some intellectuals, our intelligence does us fall in love not for a hope for woo, but to follow a design of nature that requires the reproduction of our categories. Surely it is not simply the heart but too our brain that plays a fundamental role in the choice of the partner.
Some psychologists have shown that we need a epoch wandering from 90 seconds to 4 minutes to determine if we like person or persons and that this has little to do with what this person can tell us, but it depends on 😛 TAGEND
55% on body language( gestures, demeanour, appears) 38% on communication( atmosphere and accelerated of expres) only for 7% on the content it carries
The psychologist Arthur Arun play-act experimentations on some topics who were invited to undergo these three paces 😛 TAGEND
determine a perfect stranger talk to him/ her for half an hour, telling her detailed description of her private soul review one another in the eye, without talking, for 4 minutes
At the end of these 34 minutes many of the couples involved declared that they felt strongly attracted to each other and two of them arrived at the wedding.
Character of enjoy and possible combinations
As we said, everyone life-times love in their own way and everyone expects to have something specific from the other in return. Several studies have been done in this regard and different types of love have been classified. John Alan Lee, Canadian sociologist, has catalogued various each type of love, as we can see below 😛 TAGEND
eros, the lovers “ve been thinking about” each other all the time, there is a strong attraction, they search constant reassurances and verifications. Generally it does not have a very long duration, unless it modifies look, storge, it strives complicity, confidence, develops gradually and without huge hullabaloo, contributes lifetime to a solid and peaceful tie-in, agape, whoever desires gladly submits to the other, passes without expecting anything in return, pragma, it is the result of a “selection” aimed at identifying the right person, who has education and common values. The point is to build a long-term project, ludos, usual of charming people who love the challenge, becomes involved, try the taste of defeat. It chiefly escapes long-lasting and emotionally overly employing ties, mania, one wants to control the other and precarious actions( such as depressive disasters, hysteria, aggressivenes) occur when the relationship threatens to enter into crisis.
Obviously, in addition to analyzing what kind of love you are looking for, that is, you are willing to give, it is useful to understand what kind of love you want to receive. The two Californian sociologists have studied all the possible compoundings and have come to draw up a sort of counter that, taking into account the individual characteristics of each of the two partners, can give a reliable evaluation of the chances of success of a couple.
Possible combinations and possibilities of success A loving young couple out on time at a restaurant
According to the research we have just seen, for a couple to have a good chance of being “winning”, it is necessary that these characteristics are brought together in the right way.
It would result, for example, that the combination of two persons who fall both in the category storge or in the category pragma, is successful, as well as a combination of these two categories.
More problematic will be a relationship between eros and storge, because apprehensions will unavoidably is just too different to reconcile.
Eros type may have difficulties even with a partner who falls into the same category because he will need to continually find new ways to demonstrate his love.
Great troubles will also present a marry organized by a mania and a storge, the first subject to the storm of heat, the second who loves to fondle in the tranquility of affection.
A negative note also deserve the type ludos and the type mania. Both are hard to enjoyed and will therefore be a source of difficulty in any combining they put in place.
The triangular assumption
The American psychologist Robert Sternberg proposes an interesting theory he announces” triangular theory of adoration “. This is based on the assumption that the different types of love are determined by the different combination of three basic elements 😛 TAGEND
intimacy passion commitment
These are, in fact, the three vertices of an imaginary triangle. The different combination of these elements gives rise to different types of enjoy. According to Sternberg, the success and period of a relationship increases the more constituents it includes.
Forms of Love
The result is these seven possible forms of adore that are often the stages of the same relationship that naturally advances. Let’s see in detail 😛 TAGEND
partiality, includes merely one element, intimacy. It is the ordinary characteristic of a relationship of genuine rapport in which person or persons feels restrained to the other. But it is without anger and without a long-term commitment. infatuation, is based solely on passion and very often characterizes what we call” desired at first sight “. It is generally short-lived. drain is based on a mutual commitment but paucity intimacy and fervour. It’s a common type of relationship, for example, where arranged matrimonies are common. romantic, is a combination of commitment and spirit, and is based on an psychological and clairvoyant ligament and pull. companionate, is a widespread form especially in long-term weddings, when the passion is doused but the affection and the desire to maintain the commitment offset with the partner remain strong. It can also stamp relationships between family or friends of the heart. It is stronger than simple friendship because it also includes a commitment to others. fatuous is based on passion and commitment but shortfall intimacy. It is characterized by passionate courtship and can lead to marriage. In this case it is the passion to motivate the will to make a commitment with one another. perfect, is the sum of all three parts, represents the ideal relationship, the one that everyone dreams of but is difficult to achieve. It may not be everlasting: for example, if the passion fails, it will turn into companionship.
The stagecoaches of affection
Helen Fisher, in her notebook” Anatomy of Love”, describes three places through which an interest can lead to enjoy 😛 TAGEND
lust attraction feeling
Generally an affective alliance begins with a strong desire. But it is deficient as far as the other two elements are concerned. The first thing that strikes us is the physical facet,. But we are not yet wholly interested in that specific being; to captivate us are generic characteristics: grace, allure, etc.
From the simple hunger we can move on to the next stage. The entertainment manufactures us focus on that sure-fire individual and not on others, we begin to experience a longing for fidelity.
If the entertainment will have a certain duration( some studies have placed it around 30 months) we will have learned to better know our spouse and there will be an evolution that will replace the passion a feeling of attachment: love.
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