Unlocking Life’s Beat: How a Pacemaker Transformed More Than Just My Heart
Have you ever thought your heart was just a simple pump doing its everyday job—until one day it throws you a curveball? That’s exactly where I found myself during what I assumed was a routine checkup. After years of occasional heart races, diagnosed as tachycardia, I thought I had it all figured out—kind of like knowing the rhythm to your favorite song. But guess what? Life had another beat in store for me. Suddenly, my heart wasn’t just skipping a beat; it was sending urgent signals that demanded attention—a silent alarm that could have been life-threatening if ignored. Facing the unexpected news of needing a pacemaker was, well, a shock, but it also sparked a deeper reflection on aging, care, and how we move through the next chapters of our lives. So, how do you keep your heart—and your spirits—steady when the unexpected strikes? Let’s dive into a journey of resilience, love, and the wisdom gathered when you least expect it. LEARN MORE
It began as a routine yearly follow-up with my cardiologist. I had been referred originally by my family doctor ten years ago because my heart would race periodically even when I wasn’t exercising. The problem was eventually diagnosed as a heart rhythm problem called tachycardia.
I had always thought of my heart as a pump to get the blood sent through my body. I learned that the pump relies on electrical pulses generated by a small area of tissue called the sinoatrial node that controls they heart’s rhythm. Like the wiring in our house, with age problems can occur. Over time, I was able to learn how to get the rhythm to return to normal on its own.
However, with this visit, my doctor heard something that causes some concern and further tests showed that I had a more serious problem that if not treated could be dangerous, including sudden death. I was surprised since I didn’t have any symptoms.
“It’s not an emergency that we need to hospitalize you right away, but I highly recommend you have a pacemaker put in as soon as possible,”
my cardiologist told me.
He referred me to a specialist who did these kinds of procedures. The doctor explained it was relatively simple. I would go to the local hospital. The procedure would take about an hour and would be done under local anesthesia. The small devise would be implanted through a small incision in my upper chest under my collar bone, and two small leads would be threaded through a vein into the two chambers of my heart. I would need someone to drive me but could go home the same day.
Although the news was shocking at first, the decision to have it done was clearly a no-brainer. Over the last three years Carlin has had her own health problems and I’ve become her major caregiver. Dying suddenly from something that could be corrected was not an option.
It has now been five days since the surgery and things are going OK. I’m still sore but everything is looking good. I must be careful what I do — no heavy lifting, etc. for three to four weeks until things heal. I will go back to the hospital in three weeks to be sure everything is working OK. Life goes on.
Living and Loving as We Move Into the Next Phase of Life
I will be 83 this year and Carlin will 88. We’ve been married for 46 years. For those who visit my website, MenAlive, you see my welcome video, “Confessions of a Twice Divorced Marriage Counselor.” Third time really was the charm for us. We feel very blessed to be alive and together and able to be there for each other as we continue to enjoy the mysteries of life as we recognize that our earthly journey is moving toward the end.
In earlier years it never occurred to me that life would be so challenging as we got older. It also never occurred to me that love would be so very sweet and joyful at this time of life. As our physical capacities have become more limited, we take great comfort from waking up each morning, giving each other a “high-five, we’re alive,” and seeing what adventures we have in store for ourselves today.
We spend more time enjoying simple things:
- Sitting in the garden
- Walking in the neighborhood
- Watching T.V. and seeing David Attenborough share his discoveries about life on planet Earth.
- Connecting with friends and family.
Carlin is mostly retired from her work as a counselor. I still see a few clients, write regular articles that I post weekly at MenAlive and The Good Men Project. I often interview other experts working in the field of Gender-Specific Healing and Men’s Mental, Emotional, and Relational Health and share their work in my articles. I maintain a few partnerships and collaborations with colleagues.
Our 6 grown children, 17 grandchildren, and 6 great grandchildren are also a source of joy, as are the many friends we’ve been blessed with over the years.
Opening Our Hearts to the World
We all have personal challenges in our lives that we must attend to as we move from birth to death. But we all must deal with the realities of world we live in. As I get older, it becomes increasingly clear to me that all life is connected. We survive and thrive, live and die, within an intricate web of life.
Just as my new pacemaker will help me return to a safe and healthy heart rhythm, I believe that humans need to reconnect with the rhythms of the natural world.
It is also clear to me that for some time now humans have become disconnected from the community of life and if we are to survive as a species, we must find our way home again. Thomas Berry was a priest, a “geologian,” and a historian of religions. He spoke eloquently about our connection to the Earth and the consequences of our failure to remember we are one member in the community of life.
He reminds us:
“We never knew enough. Nor were we sufficiently intimate with all our cousins in the great family of the earth. Nor could we listen to the various creatures of the earth, each telling its own story. The time has now come, however, when we will listen or we will die.”
David Attenborough is the world’s best-known natural history filmmaker. He recently turned 100 and is still working. In a recent book, A Life on Our Planet: My Witness Statement and Vision for the Future, he says,
“For life to truly thrive on this planet, there must be immense biodiversity. Only when billions of different individual organisms make the most of every resource and opportunity they encounter, and millions of species lead lives that interlock so that they sustain each other, can the planet run efficiently.”
Attenborough concludes with this call to action:
“The natural world is fading. The evidence is all around. It has happened during my lifetime. I have seen it with my own eyes. It will lead to our destruction. Yet there is still time to put things right.”
Harville Hendrix and his wife Helen LaKelly Hunt have been helping men, women, and couples to learn to listen to each other and communicate more effectively for more than forty years. In an article I wrote about their work, “Healing The Wounded Angry Men of the World Using The Revolutionary Tools of Safe Conversations,” I shared their vision for teaching the skills they have used with couples to the whole world. At their website, Safe Conversations/Quantum Connections, you can learn about how they intend to teach 2.4 billion people, in the next twenty-five years, the simple practices that can literally save humanity.
My Six Practices for Staying Balanced and Sane in a World Out of Balance
Here are six practices that I use every day to help me navigate these challenging times:
1. Do the Next Right Thing and Think the Next Right Thought
In times of challenge I have found it is easy to become overwhelmed. I have found that asking, “What is the next right thing?” focuses me on the one thing I need to do next. Asking, “What is the next right thought?” keeps my mind free of thoughts if disaster.
2. Take It Slow and Easy
When I feel afraid, I tend to speed up and usually make mistakes that slows me down and relaxes me. Taking three deep breaths before I act grounds me.
3. Let go and let God.
When I feel I must do everything myself, this thought helps me recognize that I am not alone. There are resources all around me ready to help.
4. Be kind and patient with myself and others.
When I feel overwhelmed and inadequate I tend to berate myself or see others as letting me down or actively trying to undermine me. We’re all doing the best we can.
5. Let them be and let me be.
In The Let Them Theory Mel Robbins reminds us we can’t make “them” change, we can only change ourselves and that small, consistent action changes everything.
6. How are things now?
Most of my pain, worry and panic is about the past or the future. When I ask myself, how things are right now, usually I can say they are OK.
These are challenging times, but also times of hope, renewal, and transformation. There is still time to do the next right thing. What will you do?
I look forward to your own experiences, thoughts and feelings. Come visit me at MenAlive and subscribe to my free weekly newsletter.
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