The Untold Drive Behind Every Man’s Journey: Discover What Fuels My Passion and Purpose
Ever wonder what truly drives a man to dedicate a lifetime to healing—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually? For over fifty years, I’ve been delving deep into this question, guiding men and their families toward fuller, more vibrant lives through what I simply call “Men’s Work.” It’s a journey that began not in a fancy office, but in a hospital delivery room where the rules said I should wait—but my heart said otherwise. That pivotal moment, standing by my wife’s side as our son was born, sparked a mission that has rippled through decades of work in gender-specific healing and beyond. What compels someone to keep pushing forward, writing books, mentoring, and advocating for men’s health in a world that often overlooks it? And more curiously—what does one receive in return from such profound dedication? Join me as I unpack these driving forces, the challenges, and the unexpected rewards that come with standing firmly in purpose. Ready to dive in? LEARN MORE
For more than fifty years I have been helping men and their families to live fully healthy lives. Over the years I have developed expertise in the emerging field of gender-specific healing. I call what I do, simply: “Men’s Work.” A colleague of mine is writing a book, A Call to Wise Elders: Leaving a Legacy of Goodness for Future Generations. He asked me to contribute and address two questions:
1. “Why do what you do?” Give a voice to the impetus that moved you to work to make those around you safer, more comfortable, more fulfilled, and /or make the world a better place for ensuing generations.
2. “What do you receive?” Describe the way you personally feel rewarded, (emotionally, psychologically, spiritually) by the process of giving your knowledge, resources, time and energy in service to a purpose larger than yourself.
Here’s how I addressed these questions.
“Why do what you do?” This is the answer that is most alive for me as I write today.
It has been said that the two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you found out why. The first important day is straightforward and specific. I was born December 21, 1943 in New York City. The day I found out why was November 21, 1969 at Kaiser hospital in Vallejo, California.
The second important day requires a bit more historical context. When I met and fell in love with my first wife, we were college students at U.C. Santa Barbara. As young couples do, we talked about our future and desires for children. We agreed that once we were married, we wanted two children. We hoped the first child would come naturally, but decided we wanted to adopt our second child so that a child in need would have a good home.
Now back to Kaiser hospital in 1969. After coaching my wife with the relaxation and breathing techniques we had learned in the Lamaze child-birthing classes, we were told it was time for my wife to move into the delivery room. I still remember the words of the nurse.
“OK, Mr. Diamond, your work is done now. You can go to the waiting-room and we’ll let you know when your child arrives.”
I was sorry to have to leave at this point, but we had been told the rules. Fathers were not allowed in the delivery room. I kissed my wife, wished her and the baby well, and told her I would see her soon. She was wheeled in one direction, and I went the other way.
But as I was going through the waiting-room doors, something stopped me. I felt the call of my unborn child telling me:
“I don’t want a waiting-room father. Your place is here with us.”
I immediately turned around and made my way to the delivery room. I came in and took my place at the head of the table as my wife began the final stages to bring our child into the world.
There was no question about my leaving. I knew where I belonged. No hospital rules were going to keep me away. It didn’t take long for the final push and our son, Jemal, came into the world amid tears of joy and relief. Holding him for the first time I made a vow that I would be a different kind of father than my father was able to be for me and to do everything I could to help create a world where fathers were fully engaged with their families throughout their lives. Two-and-a-half years later, we adopted a two-month-old, African-American baby girl, who we named Angela.
For fifty-six years now I have worked in the emerging field of Gender-Specific Medicine and men’s health. According to my colleague Marianne J. Legato, M.D, the founder of the professional field of practice and author of Eve’s Rib: The New Science of Gender-Specific Medicine and How It Can Save Your Life,
“Until now, we’ve acted as though men and women were essentially identical except for the differences in their reproductive function. In fact, information we’ve been gathering over the past ten years tells us that this is anything but true, and that everywhere we look, the two sexes are startingly and unexpectedly different not only in their normal function but in the ways they experience illness.”
Dr. Legato acknowledges that most of the focus in the field has been on women. She has applauded my work with men and how it deepens and expands her work with sex and gender issues.
I have written seventeen books, including My Distant Dad: Healing the Family Father Wound. The book recounts my father’s healing journey from the time he took an overdose of sleeping pills when I was five years old and was committed to Camarillo State Mental Hospital to his escape after his “treatments” made him worse.
It took many years and a lot of help and support for him to recover. I also lived with his legacy as I dealt with my own depression and recovery over the years. I share what I’ve learned in a number of on-line courses: “Healing the Family Father Wound,” and “Navigating the 5 Stages of Love.”
My present wife, Carlin, and I now have six grown children, seventeen grandchildren, and four great grandchildren. Our work in the world continues as we move into our eighties and explore our contributions as elders.
“What do you receive?” The answer to this question would require more books than I have already written. But the simple answer is that by engaging this work, I am able to fulfill my life’s destiny, fulfill the promise I made to my family, and to offer guidance and mentorship for the those who resonate with me and this vital healing work the world needs now more than ever.
Following the publication of my fifteenth book, I thought my time writing books was complete. It seemed that fifteen books was a good body of work to complete my writing career. My wife, Carlin, surprised me when she said,
“You need to write at least one more book. There is so much separation and conflict between men and women these days (that was during the height of the #MeToo movement and many men in positions of prominence and power were being accused of sexual misconduct), you need to write a book about what is good about men.”
I was surprised at her insistence since she had always been supportive of my writing but had never told me I should write another book. Books require a lot of research and time alone to think and create. They take time away from family. I also wanted to do more teaching, training, and mentoring and less time doing counseling and writing books.
After deep reflection I agreed that I had some interest and energy for book writing and began work on my 16th book, 12 Rules for Good Men and later my 17th book, Long Live Men! The Moonshot Mission to Heal Men, Close the Lifespan Gap, and Offer Hope to Humanity. I do love to write and I feel it’s a gift that I want to continue offering.
The gift of these elder years is to engage with my children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren, and the generations that will follow me. I believe that men are both the canaries in the coalmine warning us about the dangers we face as humanity continues to be out of balance with the natural world. Healing men is also the hope for the future. I’ve also learned that when we heal men, we also heal women, children, and our communities.
I very much resonate with the words of historian Thomas Berry who offered this warning and call to action.
“We never knew enough. Nor were we sufficiently intimate with all our cousins in the great family of the earth. Nor could we listen to the various creatures of the earth, each telling its own story. The time has now come, however, when we will listen or we will die.”
The greatest gift any of us can ask for is to have the courage to step up at the most challenging times in which we live and support those who are creating, in the words of my colleague Charles Eisenstein,
“The more beautiful world our hearts know is possible.”
I look forward to connecting more deeply.
Jed Diamond, PhD, LCSW, Founder/VHS (Visionary, Healer, Scholar in residence) MenAlive.com
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