Unlocking Desire: The Surprising Power of Male Chastity Cages You Never Knew About
When we hear the word “chastity,” most of us probably picture those rusty medieval metal cages, the kind that—legend has it—would keep women out of trouble or so-called protect their “virtue.” But let’s be real: who even believed those things were practical, right? Well, the concept of chastity has definitely evolved since those dark ages, flipping the script entirely. Nowadays, it’s not about locking down women; it’s about devices designed specifically for men, and it’s found a home smack dab in the middle of the BDSM scene. Yup, chastity cages for men—sound wild? That’s just the start. These gadgets are crafted to lock up male sexuality, literally putting the brakes on erections and sexual activity. They range from traditional metal contraptions with keys to high-tech smart devices controllable via apps, proving that the world of kink is always innovating. Why would anyone sign up to be locked down like that? It turns out, for many men, chastity play offers a refreshing break from the heavy expectations tied to masculinity and power—a chance to surrender control and explore new dimensions of intimacy and pleasure. Intrigued to know how this twist on an ancient idea is reshaping modern relationships and sexuality? Let’s dive deeper. LEARN MORE
WHEN WE HEAR THE WORD “CHASTITY” we probably think about the Middle Ages, and the metal cages that men would supposedly force their wives or daughters to wear to protect their “virtue.”
However, while chastity may have started out as a way of containing and controlling female sexuality (or, at least, as an elaborate cultural joke about controlling female sexuality), today, chastity has taken on a very different meaning in the BDSM world—and it centers around devices for men.
What is a male chastity cage?
Put plainly, a male chastity cage is a device that prevents erections or any kind of sexual activity for men, by restricting the penis and testicles. They’re often made of either metal or plastic, and are most commonly used as part of BDSM or kink.
If you take a browse through sex toy retailers, you can find a variety of chastity products: from metal devices with a lock and key to smart devices that can be controlled via an app. And, almost all of these devices are for men.
What is chastity kink?
Chastity kink is a broad spectrum, ranging from foreplay, where a person might abstain from sex or be locked up in a physical device for a short period of time, to a full blown lifestyle, where the (literal) keys to a guy’s sexual freedom are controlled by a partner for days, weeks, or even months at a time.
What’s the appeal of locking your genitals in a cage, you ask? For a lot of men, gender norms can lead to huge pressure to behave in certain ways—and a kink like chastity can be a safe escape from that, says Gigi Engle, a certified sex educator and author of All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life. “It comes, in part, from a desire to give over control, to escape from your role,” she says. “One of the reasons this kink is so popular, but still taboo, is that we’re afraid of that dynamic, we’re afraid, still, of female control and dominance.”
This subversion of traditional gender norms can be appealing to women, too. Professional domme Shira says that she appreciates that the kink challenges patriarchal ideas around sex—that it gives the control (literally and psychologically) to the woman. Shira is a “keyholder” which means she keeps the keys of the chastity devices of a number of her male clients—she also enjoys the kink in her spare time with her partner.
And while it may seem like a contradiction, many fans of male chastity say that abstaining from sex, or taking their penis out of the equation, has made their sex lives better. That’s because “sex” doesn’t just mean penis-in-vagina anymore; they’ve gotten creative and discovered new ways to experience pleasure.
How do you talk to your partner about trying a chastity cage?
Opening up about a desire can be difficult, particularly if the desire goes against common social standards and you’re not sure how your partner will respond. “I think you have to make a calculation,” says Kenneth Play, a sex educator and founder of the Sex Hacker Pro video series. “It’s okay to do that math and weigh up your desires against the potential stigma level. I think people need to think about the worst-case scenario, and play through how they might feel if their partner does respond badly.”
And what if that worst-case scenario comes true (i.e., a partner balks at the idea)? “I think we can consider ourselves very lucky if we have a partner who completely accepts us, but it’s important to remember that forcing compatibility can be harmful, too,” Play says. He adds that if a partner isn’t interested in exploring a kink with you, you could discuss ethical nonmonogamy, or talk about finding a compromise that you are both comfortable with.
Abby Moss is a London-based freelance journalist specializing in sex and relationships.
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