Unlocking the Thrill: The Hidden Appeal and Safety Secrets of Erotic Asphyxiation You Need to Know Now!

Ever tried typing “erotic asphyxiation” into Google and wondered why your fingers stumble over that tongue-twister? Yep, it’s a mouthful, and for good reason, which is why most folks just call it breath play. But here’s the kicker: this isn’t just some obscure, edgy term—it’s an intense kink that’s quietly climbing the popularity charts. Picture this: almost one in three young women say choking was part of their last sexual encounter. Surprised? You’re not alone. What’s driving this trend? Experts point fingers at its rising visibility in mainstream porn, where breath play scenes have been on an upward trajectory. But before anyone dives headfirst, let’s pause and ask—how do you navigate pleasure that dances so dangerously close to risk? Because, make no mistake, this thrill ride carries serious stakes. That’s why solid communication, consent, and understanding the risks can’t be afterthoughts—they’re your lifeline. Ready to unpack everything from the allure to the alarm bells, and even snag expert tips to keep things as safe as possible? Let’s take a deep breath (the safe kind) and dive in. LEARN MORE

Erotic asphyxiation is a mouthful—not to mention, easy to misspell in a search bar—which is why it’s better known as breath play.

“Erotic asphyxiation (EA) refers to the act of intentionally restricting blood or air flow during sexual activity for the sake of heightened pleasure on behalf of the giver or receiver,” says Julia Simone Fogelson, LCSW, CST, an AASECT-certified sex therapist based in Oakland, California.

Despite being considered an advanced kink, breath play is on the rise. “Some surveys find that as many as one in three young women today say that they were choked [one type of breath play] the most recent time they had sex,” according to Justin Lehmiller, PhD, a social psychologist, research fellow at The Kinsey Institute, and author of Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life. And 58% of women report being choked during sex at least once in their lifetime, according to a 2022 survey published in Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Lehmiller hypothesizes that its presence in porn is likely to blame. “Porn is increasingly where young people are learning about sex, and depictions of choking and rough sex have been rising in recent years,” he says. Nearly 15 percent of all pornographic videos include choking or gagging—two forms of EA—according to a 2020 analysis of mainstream porn.

The thing is, with the rising exposure and exploration of erotic asphyxiation comes a need for safety education. Because while X-rated videos and bad lovers treat it willy-nilly, breath play is dangerous. Like, death-is-a-potential-risk kind of dangerous.

That’s why, if erotic asphyxiation is something you plan to explore—or already engage in—Lehmiller says “it’s important to learn ways to do it that will keep the risk as low as possible and to have really solid communication before and during sex with your partner.”

This guide provides a comprehensive breakdown of all things breath play, including: why it can be intense, how to manage risks, and five expert-backed tips for exploration.

What Is Erotic Asphyxiation, Exactly?

“Erotic asphyxiation refers to a range of sexual practices in which someone derives pleasure from cutting off or restricting air supply during [or for] sexual stimulation,” says Lehmiller.

Sexual choking—typically, the application of pressure to the neck and chest with fingers—is perhaps the most common form of erotic asphyxiation, he says. Certainly, it gets the most buzz in pop culture and porn. But erotic asphyxiation is not synonymous with sexual choking, nor is a partner a prerequisite.

Erotic asphyxiation is an umbrella term for all different types of oxygen and air restriction. Choking, which involves putting pressure on the throat to increase arousal, is just one subtype, he says.

People can also restrict oxygen in the name of euphoria by covering the mouth and nose, as well as:

• Smothering: Using a pillow or plastic bag to restrict breathing.
• Blood Choking: Applying pressure to the sides of the neck specifically to restrict blood flow to the brain.
• Collar Play: Utilizing a neck chain or collar to limit movement or breathing, sometimes with a leash attached, and often as part of a larger BDSM or power exchange dynamic.

Why do people enjoy it?

There can be pleasure in both the giving and receiving ends of breath play. “As a receiver, you can experience a head rush that results in an intense and often euphoric sexual experience,” says Fogelson. The oxygen restriction triggers a surge in feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and endorphin—the cocktail of which amplifies physical sensations and enhances sexual pleasure.

There can also be an emotional element. “Giving over control to and relying on a partner, can have a big impact on intimacy and trust,” says Fogelson. Not only can that boost in connectedness increase feelings of comfort when trying other kinky acts, but it can also translate to closeness outside of the bedroom.

Meanwhile, for the giving partner, the act of guiding a partner through euphoric bliss can bring its own kind of pleasure, says AASECT-certified sex therapist Rufus Spann, PhD, founder of Libido Health, an app engineered to bridge sexual health and overall wellness. “Controlling someone’s breath can also bring heightened adrenaline,” he says. For sadists—those who enjoy receiving pleasure from consensually inflicting pain—breath play can be a powerful outlet and tool, he says.

Erotic asphyxiation can also help people tap into, reinforce, and amplify pre-negotiated power exchange dynamics, says Fogelson. For instance, a dominant and submissive in a BDSM-style relationship. The surrender of giving over control of your breathing can reinforce submission, while the act of controlling air and blood flow can help you tap into your dominance, she says.

Here are the risks because, yes, it can be dangerous.

From unwanted pregnancy to disease transmission, bite marks to bruises, mismatched expectations to emotional havoc—most sexual exploration carries some kind of physical, emotional, and mental risk. But the risks associated with erotic asphyxiation are in a category all their own.

“Too much pressure along the neck can lead to a collapsed vein or injury to an artery, which cuts off oxygen supply,” says Lehmiller. So, when gone wrong, a single erotic asphyxiation play session can cause brain damage, cardiac arrest, airway injury, bruising, seizures, stroke, and even death, says Fogelson.

Psychologically speaking, breath play can also surface past trauma or cause new psychological distress—especially when done without trust, communication, or aftercare, says Spann. (Though, he notes that some people utilize breath play and other forms of kink with in pre-negotiated settings with partners they trust as a way to heal trauma).

Risks can’t be eliminated, but they can be managed.

The risks associated with erotic asphyxiation cannot be wiped out with a morning-after pill, a dose of antibiotics, or an ice pack. But while safety cannot be guaranteed, says Fogelson, there are ways to reduce harm and minimize the risk. Here’s where to start:

1. Talk to your partner about breath play.

EA isn’t something you try out on a whim. While that should be obvious, recent data suggests that it’s sadly not.

One small study in Archives of Sexual Behavior found many women reporting feelings of discomfort or fear as a result of choking without prior conversation. Meanwhile, a 2022 survey reports that more than one-third of trans and non-binary folks have been non-consensually choked during sex.

That’s why it’s crucial to start things off with a real conversation. Introduce your interest in EA during a non-charged moment, says Fogelson. That means not mid-hook-up or when your palm is hovering above someone’s throat.

Here are a few ways you could get the conversation started:

• I recently read an article about breath play and am feeling intrigued. Can I send you the link?
• I’d love to talk about kinks and fantasies we haven’t explored yet together…there’s one in particular I want your thoughts on.
• The power dynamics we play with during sex drive me wild, and breath play is something I’ve been researching. Is that something that turns you on to think about?

If the answer is no? Well, that should be received graciously and with respect. You can get curious about why they aren’t interested—maybe they’ve had a bad experience or lifelong fear of choking to death—but it’s important that your interest isn’t just thinly veiled pressure.

If they are down, however, then it’s time to get specific. “Talk about likes, dislikes, and how the body responds to pain and pleasure,” says Spann. Be sure to clarify who is doing the restricting. The emotional and physical experience (and risks!) are very different for the giver versus the receiver, so you both need to know what you’re actually signing up for.

2. Come up with a safe word.

Before any play starts, identify a safe word and non-verbal safety gesture that the receiving partner can use to communicate when the intensity is too much or unwanted, or nearing that territory, says Span. The physical cue is critical because when your airflow is cut off, you may not be able to speak.

Still, you can’t rely on these tools alone. “You also need to be on the lookout for signs of danger like loss of consciousness, seizures, confusion, and headaches,” says Fogelson. “These all require immediate medical attention.”

3. Learn from the pros.

Erotic asphyxiation isn’t an entry-level kink—nor is it something you should learn on the job. “I recommend that those who are inexperienced in breath play seek people who specialize in breath play to learn from, or seek out people in communities [i.e., certain kink communities] who specialize in breath play to explore with,” says Spann. “There are also books, vetted material online, and professionals in media/social media who discuss the topic,” he says.

Start with books like Urban Tantra, which explores altered consciousness and sensations through breathwork, or The New Topping Book, which discusses how to negotiate and navigate all types of riskier play. For digital content, kink educators like Evie Lupine, Midori, Reid Mihalko, and Watts the Safeword all have online platforms where they offer thoughtful how-tos on breath play and other kinks.

Many feminist and boutique sex shops, such as Pleasure Chest and Babeland, also host in-person classes taught by educators with decades of experience learning about kink. These classes provide you with the opportunity to receive in-person demonstrations on where to apply pressure on the neck (and where not to).

“For extra safety, you may also want to take some classes in anatomy and brush up on CPR and recovery techniques,” says Fogelson.

4. Utilize fantasy.

One way to get some of the rush associated with erotic asphyxiation whilst majorly minimizing risk is to tap into fantasy. “To reduce the risks of breath play, some people engage in symbolic choking,” says Lehmiller. “For example, one partner may place a single hand very gently on the other’s neck without applying any pressure, or they might place their hand just under the neck (on the collarbone),” he says.

Face-sitting, non-neck restraints (like handcuffs and under-the-bed straps), and oral toys (like ball gags or fish hooks) can also be utilized to explore physical sensations and power dynamics similar to those elicited by erotic asphyxiation, adds Fogelson.

5. Utilize aftercare.

Erotic asphyxiation is, in a word, intense. And the intensity of sexual experiences can linger after the sex ends. Sometimes, this can lead to a crash after the emotional high (this phenomenon is often dubbed sub drop and top drop). Taking time to give and receive aftercare following erotic asphyxiation can help soothe the intense feelings that come up during and afterwards, says Spann.

Cuddling, taking a bath, ordering takeout, rehydrating, checking in verbally or offering praise, and simply being silent are common aftercare activities. However, the shape of your post-play practice should shift based on the individual’s needs. The most important thing is to allow your central nervous system, heart, and brain to re-find equilibrium.

How to safely practice EA alone.

Technically speaking, a partner’s presence isn’t a prerequisite for exploring erotic asphyxiation, but it is recommended. Solo erotic asphyxiation—also known as autoerotic asphyxiation—is one of the more dangerous forms this kink can take. Why? Because if something goes wrong, there is nobody there to intervene!

“People should exercise caution because it can cause harm and even lead to death,” says Spann. “Anything restrictive around your neck can become too tight and difficult to loosen. If you lose the ability to remove the restriction, there’s serious danger.”

However, if you determine that the potential risks are worth the potential pleasure, he suggests staying away from any neck ties, restraints, collars, and locks that aren’t quick-release. This means, no belts and buckled restraints. Instead, “consider using your hand and placing it on your neck in a way that causes the least amount of damage to your neck and airway,” while still getting some pressure, he says.

Spann also recommends layering the light hand pressure with other forms of toys for stimulation (such as vibrators, butt plugs, or clamps) so that the focus is on the pleasure and not just the intensity.

What experts want you to know before giving it a try.

Once more time for the people in the back: If you’re curious about—or a practitioner of—erotic asphyxiation, please proceed with caution. “There isn’t a 100% safe way to engage in it,” says Lehmiller. Because you’re keeping oxygen and blood from reaching vital organs, the margin of error is small.

To be clear: Risk doesn’t mean a sex act is wrong or shameful. But it does mean that risk should be respected and minimized through kink education, enthusiastic consent, intentional communication, and (after)care.

And remember, there is no shame in opting out of higher-stakes breath play for lower-stakes options that are just as pleasurable. “Meditation, bondage without neck pressure, oral toys, and fantasy-based all help you restrict the airway or blood flow while still allowing you to have fun,” says Fogelson.

Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a sex and wellness journalist who writes at the intersection of queerness, sexual health, and pleasure. In addition to Women’s Health, her work has appeared in publications such as Shape, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, Health, Self, Men’s Health, Greatist, and more! In her free time, Gabrielle can be found coaching CrossFit, reviewing pleasure products, hiking with her border collie, or recording episodes of the podcast she co-hosts called