Why “Crashing Out” Could Be the Secret Weapon Against Burnout You Didn’t See Coming—And How to Master It Like a Champ
You stormed out of your boss’s office after receiving a 92, rather than a perfect 100, on your annual performance review. You dissolved into a wet mess of tears when your partner’s snoring woke you up at 3 a.m. for the third time this week. You screamed and flung your pen across the conference room when Kevin interrupted you during the morning staff meeting.
Sound familiar? Big displays of emotions like these are known as “crashing out” in social media parlance—the latest in a long line of rebrands for what amounts to total emotional depletion. First, we burned out. Then we quiet-quitted. Next came the bed rotting. And now we’re crashing out. Yes, on TikTok and Instagram, having a breakdown is basically a ~vibe~.
We’ve come a long way in normalizing the conversation around mental health with friends, family, and the internet at large—evidenced, in part, by the new and interesting ways we’ve found to meme-ify our diagnoses and general feelings of existential dread. But are the oft-unserious methods in which we process (and perform) mental health online helping us reclaim our suffering—or just aestheticizing it? What do we actually need when we’re fully depleted? Is it possible to crash out consciously? And if so, how?
Meet the experts: Madeline Eggenberger, MHC-LP, a New York-based therapist. Michela Tripp, LCSW, is a Los Angeles-based therapist. Margot Stephenson, AMFT, is a Los Angeles-based therapist.
What exactly is crashing out?
It probably goes without saying that you won’t find an entry for “crashing out” while flipping through the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (a.k.a. the DSM-V, the mental health bible). The term (which has been attributed to rapper YoungBoy Never Broke Again) has risen to popularity on social media—largely among Gen-Z—and as such, has no one true definition, says Madeline Eggenberger, MHC-LP, a New York-based therapist.
“I describe it as an umbrella term for anytime someone’s emotionally dysregulated—upset, anxious, overwhelmed, or even depressed,” she says. Whereas the more familiar “burnout” is a prolonged or sustained state of being, Eggenberger explains that crashing out is usually a singular event, what she describes as the “boiling over moment.” And the ways in which this moment manifests will vary across diagnoses.
“A crash out for someone who’s anxious might look like impulsive behaviors or rumination, whereas for someone who’s depressed, it might mean they’re really upset, sad, and struggling to get out of bed,” Eggenberger says.
How can you tell if you’re headed for a crash out?
While a crash out may seem sudden or unexpected by a person witnessing it (or, worse, on the receiving end of it), feelings and resentments have likely long been stewing, says Eggenberger.
“If you’ve been sitting on something for a while and haven’t taken action, you’re probably going to burst at some point,” she says.
This “something” could be a conflict you’re having with your boyfriend or it could be a to-do list that feels, well, undoable. Burnout left unchecked, says Michela Tripp, LCSW, a Los Angeles-based therapist, can also eventually lead to crash out.
“What I see with people who tend towards burnout is there is an ignoring of the body’s signals,” she says, adding that those signals can include things like a knot in the stomach, tension in the shoulders, and persistent headaches. “If it happens for too long, eventually that signal becomes a siren and you crash out.”
Does how we talk about crashing out dilute it?
The concept of crashing out is often played for laughs on social media—whether it’s a video of a Karen having a meltdown at a Target or an astrology account posting memes to illustrate how each sign crashes out. In many cases, says Eggenberger, humor can be a useful tool for giving voice to something we wouldn’t feel comfortable discussing otherwise.
“It’s easier to say, ‘I crashed’ out over ‘I had a major depressive episode or panic attack,’” she says. “For a lot of people, those words are really scary, and it might be easier for them to process the fact that they had that and tell other people about it versus making it sound so serious.”
Margot Stephenson, AMFT, a Los Angeles-based therapist agrees: “I think it’s a pretty natural evolution of language and of the ways that we’re just trying to connect with one another over difficult things,” she says.
Where this irreverent emotional language can become a slippery slope, however, is when it begins to desensitize us to the issues it’s meant to elucidate, says Tripp.
“If I’m on TikTok and the algorithm knows that I’m a burnt out mom and keeps showing me [burnt out mom memes], and I’m like, ‘Oh yep, lol, me too!’ Then we start to feel numb to it,” Tripp says. “We’re not checking in and saying, ‘I’m resonating with this mom that’s breaking down too.’ That’s something to pay attention to.”
Another downside: If we consistently turn to humor when things are rough, we may not be fully working through the actual issue.
“If I noticed a pattern of a client never being able to be serious about negative emotions, I’d probably explore that,” Eggenberger says. “Why is talking about negative feelings or experiences so uncomfortable? And how can we help you access those feelings or be more accepting of negative experiences?”
Ultimately, Tripp says our inclination to be playful, or even a little flippant, on social media about the things that plague our minds and hearts can be taken as a sign of our continuing evolution—albeit one that has a long way to go.
“In some ways, we’ve made a lot of progress, if you think about where we came from,” she says. “But at the same time, we’re still not [reaching] that real layer of vulnerability and shame.”
How can we crash out more consciously?
Thankfully, crashing out isn’t a foregone conclusion—even when dealing with big feelings you may not have the tools to handle on your own. The key is to heed the signals your body is sending and act before they boil over into words or deeds you might regret.
1. Set clear boundaries.
If you’re at the earlier, burnout stage, one of the best things you can do, says Stephenson, is set boundaries. While that’s advice you’ve likely heard before, Stephenson emphasizes that it should be approached as a process, not a “one-and-done situation.”
“Most of the time setting boundaries is really counter-culture, and it can mean taking up a lot more space than we’re used to,” she says. “It might take a handful of times of reaffirming it and being forgiving of people who overstep it.”
2. Take care of your physical well-being.
Other times the solution may be as easy as making sure your body’s physical needs have been met, says Eggenberger: “Have I been moving my body? Have I been eating well, sleeping well, and hydrating? For a lot of people going through difficult mental health periods, focusing on those things can be the motivator to get through it.”
Movement can also be a powerful tool in the midst of a crash out, by releasing pent-up tension and emotions in the body. It can be as simple as a walk, or as gritty as visiting a so-called “rage room,” where you get to smash and break things in a safe, controlled environment.
“Find outlets that get this frustration and anger out of the body and into action,” Stephenson says.
3. Turn to mindfulness.
Eggenberger is a big fan of the 54321 method, which helps foster a state of mindfulness. The technique is simple: Pause and note five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
Focusing on this small mental task should start grounding you and bringing you back into the present moment.
4. Seek out support.
If you’ve veered past burnout into crash out territory, Eggenberger advises reaching out to your support system, whether that be your therapist, family, or friends.
And, if all else fails and you do crash out in spectacular fashion, Eggenberger recommends making amends to any loved ones that have been in the proverbial line of fire by apologizing and showing that you are working on the behavior.
“Just saying, ‘Sorry, I was upset,’ might not carry a lot of weight versus saying, ‘I reflected on this, I understand I have some work to do with my emotional regulation, and I’m going to therapy or I’m reading about tools to use,’” she says.
Ultimately, when it comes to crashing out, says Eggenberger, allow yourself a little grace and empathy. “We all make mistakes,” she says. “We all say things we don’t mean, or react in not the best ways when we’re upset. That doesn’t mean we’re bad people.”
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