Men's Health September 1, 2026 0 Comments

The Shocking Truth About Why Short Guys Are Winning Big in the Bedroom—And It’s Not What You Think!

Ever wonder if being “vertically challenged” might actually give you an unexpected edge in the bedroom? It turns out, according to a 2014 study in *The Journal of Sexual Medicine*, men under 5 feet 9 inches are getting busy more often per week than their taller peers. As a 5-foot-5-inch guy myself, I found that both surprising and, honestly, a little reassuring! But before you start recalibrating your dating game, let’s take a step back and look at the bigger picture — the seismic shifts happening in sexual behavior across all generations.

Now, here’s the kicker: while the world seems more sexualized than ever, studies reveal we’re actually having less sex. A neuroscientist named Dr. Debra Soh calls this phenomenon “SEXtinction” — a decline so stark among Millennials and Gen Z that one in three men and one in five women report no sexual activity in the past year. Mind-boggling, right? And it begs the question: What’s driving this paradox in our hyper-connected era?

This exploration isn’t just about height stats; it’s about diving into cultural, economic, and personal dynamics that reshape how men and women connect. So, buckle up — whether you’re tall, short, or somewhere in between, the story unfolding challenges what we thought we knew about attraction, intimacy, and the evolving dance between the sexes.

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A 2014 study published in the The Journal of Sexual Medicine reported that men under 5 feet 9 inches had a higher weekly frequency of sexual intercourse compared to their taller counterparts. As a 5-foot-5-inch man, I was heartened to read about this study. Before we delve into the different sexual experiences of shorter vs taller males, we need to look at the changing sexual trends that are impacting everyone.

News Flash: While I was writing this article, Dolly Parton died. She was one of my heroes. I loved her, her music, and what she gave to the world. In a world of conflict, blame, and shame, Dolly was a beacon of hope. I will have more to share in future articles, but here I will say that I didn’t love her just because she was short. Certainly, being a short woman has different challenges than being a short man.

What stands out to me about Dolly Parton was that she absolutely knew who she was, believed in herself, and expressed herself in ways that we can all learn from — Her lifelong connection to her roots, her long-term successful marriage, her inspirational songs and music, her love of children, and her belief in the goodness of everyone. She will be missed, but her legacy will live forever.

I have been helping men, women, and couples improve their sex and love lives for more than fifty years. In the last five years, I have seen a disturbing trend. Men and women of all ages are having less sex, and many males are giving up on partnered sex all together and turning to pornography and AI companions. What is going on?

Dr. Debra Soh is a neuroscientist who specializes in human sexuality. She has written an important new book, SEXtinction: The Decline of Sex and the Future of Intimacy. “Society has never been more sexualized,” says Dr. Soh, “yet we are having less sex than ever before. In 2016, a study published in the academic journal Archives of Sexual Behavior found that young people were having less sex than their preceding generations.”

The study went on to say, “Millennials (born from 1980 to 1994 in their early twenties at the time) were more likely than previous generations at the same age to report no sexual partners since turning eighteen. The results were expected to continue for the Millennials’ successors, Generation Z (or ‘Zoomers,’ born from 1995 to 2012).”

This sweeping global trend is affecting both sexes and all age cohorts but is especially pronounced among Millennials and Generation Z, with roughly one in three men and one in five women reporting they haven’t had sex in the past year.”

“Considering that young men have, on average a higher sex drive and greater sociosexuality (that is, enjoyment of casual sex) than women, their decline in sexual activity is the opposite of what one might expect,” says Dr. Soh.

The Two Turbines of Change Impacting the Dynamic Between the Sexes Today

In Sextinction, Dr. Soh describes two important factors driving the changes we are seeing in today’s sexual relationships:

Men are losing the social and economic characteristics that make them attractive partners to women.
Women are excelling along these very same vectors.

Hypergamy (aka, marrying up) states that women, on average, look for financial resources and status in a potential mate and will trade up to acquire the best partner they can find. From an evolutionary perspective, this makes sense since pregnancy is riskier for females than it is for males. “Evolutionarily speaking,” says Dr. Soh, “Procreating with a mate who couldn’t protect and provide was dangerous. In most cases, it meant that neither you nor your children could expect to live for long.”

Through the ages, women typically look for partners who are at least as successful as they are. Men generally seek partners based on youth and physical attractiveness, which are indicators of high fertility and likely reproductive success. But times, they are a changing, as Bob Dylan reminds us, in his iconic anthem. Some of the changes noted by Dr. Soh are the following:

Starting in adolescence, girls are more likely than boys to complete high school and continue to higher education.

For the past four decades, more women than men have graduated with bachelor’s degrees.

Since the mid-2000s, women have earned the majority of doctoral degrees.

In a few years, two women will graduate university for every man.

Women account for over half (50.7 percent) of the college-educated US labor force.

“Bluntly put,” says Dr. Soh, “if men are unemployed or make less money than the women they are interested in, they will have a hard time attracting a partner.”

We are living within a system that rewards the few at the expense of the many. The rich get richer and the rest fall further behind. An increasing number of men are experiencing “deaths of despair” and many have given up finding work that pays a livable income.

In the words of Gloria Steinem, women are becoming the men they wanted to marry. This is why more women are turning away from marriage and more men are feeling increasingly hopeless. Many come to believe the 1970s bumper sticker: A Woman Needs a Man Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle.

Or they ascribe to the more recent “Three Sixes” Rule. Dr. Soh says it describes a man who “is six feet or taller, has six-figure salary, and possesses a six-inch manhood. (In some cases, this rule will also require a potential mate to have a six-pack of abdominal muscles.”

It’s not surprising that so many men feel they will never measure up. Statistically speaking:

The average penis length is about five inches.
Only 17 percent of men make over $100,000 annually.
And less than 15 percent of men in the U.S. are six feet tall.

The loneliness epidemic is getting worse:

The average person today has fewer friends than in previous decades.
More than 25 percent of adults live alone, nearly 20 percent are neither married nor cohabitating with a partner.
According to the American Psychiatric Association, 10 percent of adults report feeling lonely every day.

Why Short Men Have More Sex and Make Better Partners

Growing up I was always the shortest boy in my class. My mother and father were short, but my mother said I had tall uncles and I would get my growth spurt soon. I just had to be patient. I will be eight-three years old in December and I’m still waiting. I lied about my height when I said I was a five-feet-five-inch man. I have lost an inch over the years, which happens to older people.

The good news is that my wife, Carlin, just turned eight-eight. The even better news is that she has lost four inches and now I’m finally taller than her, even without the big hat. Here’s a picture of us a few years ago at the Willits Kinetic Carnivale.

As you can see, I attracted the most beautiful, sexy, and desirable woman I could imagine. And yes, from the time we met, fell in love, and married in 1980, everyone told her they couldn’t believe she was 42. “You look so much younger.” They said the same thing when she was 52, 62, 72, 82, and I’m sure they will say the same thing when she’s 92.

Taller men have always been putting the moves on her since we first met. They were sure if given the opportunity she would dump the short guy (me) for a more manly man (like themselves.) But there are a few things I have learned over the years:

When we accept ourselves the way we are, we gain confidence that allows us to be successful in work and in love. That’s real sex appeal.

Short men are sexy, even when Hollywood movie moguls make you believe they are taller: Al Pacino (5’7″), Tom Cruise (5’7″), The Big Bang Theory’s Johnny Galecki (5’5’’), Dustin Hoffman (5’4¾”).

And we shouldn’t forget the only movie star, Elijah Wood (5’5’’), who had to be digitally enhanced to look shorter to play his part as Frodo the courageous Hobbit.

When you don’t need to aspire to the tall ideal women are initially looking for, you can enjoy getting to know a woman without having to impress her.

Being short helps us remember that the magic of getting what we want in the world has more to do with how we respond to the realities of life, than the realities themselves.